Tag Archives: relationships

Intended for Intimacy

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On my most recent post, The Great Adventure, a reader commented: “Marriage provides constant opportunity for emotional risk-taking.” His words provide the perfect segue for this new post on intimacy.

Now each reader most likely has his or her own definition of and associations with that term, so for the purpose of this blog post I am using the term to refer to close familiarity or relationship; closeness. That’s intimacy in the broadest terms which can encompass the more specific aspects of emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy.

I believe the blog comment introduces this topic perfectly because emotional risk-taking is necessary for intimacy. Deep down, we all crave close connections with others (including God and our spouse) yet we fear it at the same time. Continue reading →

Dance for JOY

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Recently I learned that the Westminster Catechism (Presbyterian church) begins: What is the chief end of man? Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever. I spent my entire childhood attending traditional churches (though not Presbyterian), and somehow I completely missed this message. But it resonates with what I’ve learned later in life … we were created to glorify God and enJOY him.

Joy is a fruit of the spirit, produced by living in relationship with God.
But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23a NLT

By living in relation and close connection with God, we enJOY him. Joy is his intention for us, according to Isaiah 61 where we learn that our Savior would come “to bind up the brokenhearted … to comfort all who mourn … to bestow a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” (NIV)

In biblical references, dance is often a demonstration of joy.
I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel. Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful.  Jeremiah 31:4, NIV

You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,  Psalm 30:11, NLT

Be glad at such a time, and dance for joy; for your reward is great in Heaven (Luke 6:23a, Weymouth New Testament)

Therefore, I believe our Creator made us to dance. David, a man after God’s own heart, “danced before the Lord with all his might.” 2 Samuel 6:14

So why am I writing about this in a marriage blog? Based on these scriptures and my own experience, I believe dancing can be a source of joy for your marriage. It will require you to face your fear if dancing is something that feels threatening to you, but the pay off could be well worth stepping out of your comfort zone.

I’ve met a number of men who learned partner dancing after a failed marriage. They took a risk to try something new, and they were surprised to find they loved dancing (for a number of reasons, some of which are addressed in other posts here on this blog).
Don’t wait until it’s too late to try something new that can add more joy to your marriage. Don’t shrink back from all the joy your Creator intends for you.

“We Were Made for This” Redux

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In the previous post titled We Were Made for This, I wrote about how traditional partner dancing affirms both masculinity and femininity. Recently, I realized that the title phrase has a much broader application than simply affirming individual gender roles.

The realization goes back to an epiphany I had while dancing a few years ago. As I was dancing in perfect synchronization with my partner and with the infectious music, I had a moment of revelation: “This is how you were created to live.”

That insight was a spark that ignited MarriageDance. Our Creator made us to dance.
Now, you might be thinking … I don’t dance. And while dance is my “thing” and I have no doubt I was made for it, I realize that everyone out there does not feel the same way. But whether or not you physically move to music, I believe dance embodies qualities of life that our Creator intends for everyone.

Dance is joyful and fun. It’s adventurous. Most people have some trepidation at one time or another about getting out on the dance floor, hence the common proverb, “Dance like no one is watching.”

There’s more to dance than what you see. I recently observed a dance competition, and I could tell a difference between those who were following a set of choreographed steps and those who were truly dancing. This “more than meets the eye” quality embodies a connection with something or someone beyond ourselves.

Our Creator made us for joy, adventure and a deep-rooted connection with Himself and with other people — including a notably distinct connection with a partner in marriage.

In the words of a best-selling country pop song recorded by Lee Ann Womack, “When you get the choice to sit it out or dance — I hope you dance.”

Vive la difference!

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In this post on The Marry Blogger, Stu describes an interaction between his four-year-old son and a girl. It’s a simple exchange that demonstrates the innate differences in boys and girls.

We’re all individuals, of course, but the Creator planned and created males and females differently by design. And He declared “it was good.” (Gen. 1:27)

Male/female differences come into play in partner dancing because the partnership is made of one male and one female. Perhaps the first difference that comes to mind is the propensity for dancing itself.

It is unusual to find a woman who does not like to dance (though there are some). It is not unusual to find a man who does not like to dance.

Dancing makes women feel beautiful. Most of us love skirts that twirl and being led around the dance floor by a kind gentleman. I meet women on a regular basis who tell me that their husbands won’t dance. It’s unfortunate since dance provides the perfect opportunity for him to be a hero, romance his wife, get a workout and have fun all at the same time!

For the men who are brave enough to try it, they often find that they enjoy being “in charge” of (leading) the dance. And with the right instruction, they may find that they succeed and even excel at it.

Once they are dancing together, the man and the woman may be required to make some accommodations for their partners. Take the size of their steps for instance. A man may need to take smaller steps to dance comfortably with a woman who is not as tall as he is. A woman may need to take larger steps than usual when she is dancing with a man who is much taller than she is.

Continuing this look at dance as a metaphor for Christian marriage, dance provides a picture of a male and female couple working together beautifully in partnership, just as the Creator intended. And I propose that picture reflects what He intended for marriage.

Vive la difference! Let’s dance!

Copr 2010 MarriageDance

Dancing to the Same Song

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One of the keys to dancing with a partner successfully is listening for and dancing to the beat of the music. When both partners hear and respond in sync to the musical beat, the dance will flow much easier.

To what “music” are you listening in your marriage dance? Are you and your spouse dancing to the same song?

God’s voice could be said to be the “music” in the dance of Christian life. Scripture says: “The sheep that are My own hear and are listening to My voice; and I know them, and they follow Me.” (John 10:27, Amplified Bible) If both you and your partner are listening for God’s voice with the intent to follow it, the “dance” will be much easier for the two of you.

Occasionally, I have danced with a leader who is “off beat,” and it is a real challenge to follow him. If you are the follower in a Christian marriage, it will be much easier for you to follow the leader when you know he is listening and following God’s voice.

In addition to helping keep a couple “in sync” (or unified), the music provides inspiration for the dance. If you and your spouse seem out of sync or uninspired lately, maybe it’s time to stop and listen to the Music. Are you dancing to the same song? Are you both tuning into God’s voice?

Copr 2010 MarriageDance

Dance, Romance for Your Valentine

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Fellow blogger Sheila Gregoire and her husband take ballroom dance lessons. In today’s post, she writes about her experience and why she loves it:

Here are some excerpts:

It really does change your relationship. It makes you work together. It makes you smile.

In most areas of our lives today, the sexes are interchangeable. A woman can do whatever a man can do, and vice versa. Dancing is one of the few areas of life where you have to either be a man or be a woman. You each have very defined roles, and it reminds you that you are two very different halves of one whole.

… If you’ve ever longed to hear her [your wife] say, “You decide and I’ll follow,” you’ve got to hit the dance floor.

Dancing doesn’t work if she tries to take control. You [the man] really do get to decide pretty much everything. And once she realizes that it works better that way, she can be putty in your hands. Plus, it is awfully romantic.

While you get to feel like a man, she gets to feel like a princess as you twirl her around. … It’s about treating her like she’s precious, and showing her off to the world. What woman doesn’t want to be treated like that?

Sheila’s comments sound similar to some of my previous posts. It’s nice to get confirmation from another dancer’s point of view.

So what are YOU waiting for? Valentine’s weekend is the perfect time to make plans to take a dance class with your spouse. If you still need more inspiration, listen to these romantic, dance-themed songs this weekend. (Hopefully, I’ve included a little something for everyone … classics, country, musicals, etc.)

• Could I Have This Dance, Anne Murray
• Save the Last Dance for Me, Michael Buble (and others)
• I Just Want to Dance with You, George Strait
• Come Dance With Me, Frank Sinatra (and others)
• Shall We Dance, The King and I Soundtrack
• I Could Have Danced All Night, The King and I Soundtrack
• Dance Me to the End of Love, Leonard Cohen
• Why Don’t We Just Dance, Josh Turner
• We Will Dance, Steven Curtis Chapman
• Dance, Jeff and Sheri Easter

What other dance-themed love songs can you add to the list?

Copr 2010 MarriageDance