True Leadership and Submission

What do biblical leadership and submission look like in the “real world”? I find partner dancing to present a fairly accurate picture of what God intends for these roles in marriage. And I was encouraged in this by what I learned in a recent study taught by Dr. John Yates, rector of Holy Trinity Anglican Church in Raleigh, N.C. (also mentioned in my previous post).

Contention over marriage roles, inside and outside the Christian community, results from the fall, accentuated by viewing the scriptures through the context of our culture. Based on Dr. Yates’ thoroughly researched study, I challenge the following culturally accepted myths about the biblical roles in marriage. Read to the end for an explanation of how partner dance reflects the scriptural truths. Continue reading

Intended for Intimacy

On my most recent post, The Great Adventure, a reader commented: “Marriage provides constant opportunity for emotional risk-taking.” His words provide the perfect segue for this new post on intimacy.

Now each reader most likely has his or her own definition of and associations with that term, so for the purpose of this blog post I am using the term to refer to close familiarity or relationship; closeness. That’s intimacy in the broadest terms which can encompass the more specific aspects of emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy.

I believe the blog comment introduces this topic perfectly because emotional risk-taking is necessary for intimacy. Deep down, we all crave close connections with others (including God and our spouse) yet we fear it at the same time. Continue reading

The Great Adventure

Steven Curtis Chapman’s contemporary Christian classic, The Great Adventure, inspires my adventurous heart — which affirms to me that curiosity, exploration and risk-taking are part of our Creator’s plan for us. Consider these lyrics:

Started out this morning
In the usual way
Chasing thoughts inside my head
Of all I had to do today
Another time around the circle
Try to make it better than the last

I opened up the Bible
And I read about me
Said I’d been a prisoner
And God’s grace had set me free Continue reading

Made for Adventure

The adage “Dance like no one is watching” is well-known. I’ve seen it on posters, plaques, pillows, coffee mugs, trivets and more.

It’s usually accompanied by the additional suggestions of “Love like you’ll never be hurt, sing like no one is listening, and live like it’s heaven on earth.” Sometimes you’ll also find “Work like you don’t need the money.”

I suspect the reason for this maxim’s popularity and ubiquity is that it resonates with the adventurous spirit within us. Yet — perhaps more often than not — though we want to follow our adventurous spirit, we have apprehension for one reason or another. We fear what others will think or want to avoid pain. Continue reading

Conversation without words

In a blog post titled Friends with Benefits, Mark Driscoll, a pastor at Mars Hill Church in California, explains three kinds of marriages: back-to-back, shoulder-to-shoulder and face-to-face. Here’s how he describes them:

A back-to-back marriage is one in which the couple has turned their backs on each other. As a result, they live
separately and do not work together (shoulder to shoulder) or draw each other out in friendship (face to face). In such marriages the partners range from strangers to enemies, but are not friends.

A shoulder-to-shoulder marriage is one in which the couple

works together on tasks and projects, such as keeping the home, raising the kids, growing the business, and serving the church.

A face-to-face marriage is one in which, in addition to the shoulder-to-shoulder work, the couple gets a lot of face-to-face time for conversation, friendship and intimacy.

When I read this, I recognized a correlation with dance as a picture of marriage. Dancing with your spouse is primarily a face-to-face experience. If your marriage is characterized as back-to-back or shoulder-to-shoulder, dancing face-to-face with your partner may feel awkward, even invasive, at first. However, it could be a first step toward transforming your marriage to a deeper level. If your marriage is already characterized as face-to-face, then dancing can add a new element of intimacy and intrigue to your relationship.
The depth of intimacy is a key factor distinguishing these kinds of marriages. And as Driscoll  writes in his post, “intimacy is ultimately about conversing.” The topics of conversation in a relationship change as intimacy grows. Driscoll writes:

When a relationship becomes most intimate, we begin to share our feelings. We become vulnerable with someone, telling him or her not just what we do (facts) and what we believe (opinions), but who we are (feelings).

Dance is a conversation in its own right, essentially a non-verbal conversation. If you want to increase your face-to-face time and take steps to greater intimacy in your marriage, try this conversation without words.

Five Reasons to Learn to Dance with your Spouse

In case you need some encouragement for learning to dance with your spouse, here are five great reasons:

1. Dancing is a celebration documented in scripture. As Christians, we celebrate Christ’s birth on December 25, but we have reasons to celebrate all year. Through Christ, our God has blessed us with generous gifts of life, freedom, victory, peace and much more worth celebrating.

2. Enjoying a new recreational activity together can rekindle the romance that brought you together in the first place. Social psychologists at the State University of New York at Stony Brook found that to be the case. Read more.

3. Dancing is a great way to speak the love language of “physical touch.” If this is a primary love language of you or your spouse, dancing will add a new spark to your relationship. Don’t know your love language? Find out here.

4. It’s not as difficult as you may think. Men are usually more hesitant about dancing than women. But in dance workshops I held this year, men were pleasantly surprised to learn that not only could they dance but they actually enjoyed it. Learning a few fundamentals about how dance works, rather than just dance steps, made the difference for them.

5. If you’re still not convinced, watch this fun video for reason number five. Thanks to Sheila Gregoire for sharing it!

What other reasons can you add?

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