A Necessary and Complementary Partner

In a previous post I responded to a colleague’s question about how the follower is a “helper” in the dance (in reference to Gen. 2:18). Recently I have learned more about the context and meaning of the term that is translated “helper” in that verse, and consequently I want to revisit the question in light of this new information.

The new information comes from a study series taught by Dr. John Yates, rector of Holy Trinity Anglican Church in Raleigh, N.C. In the study notes, Dr. Yates writes:

The term, “helper,” used to describe Eve is often used of God himself. [Exodus 18:4, Deuteronomy 33:7, 1Samuel 7:12] It essentially means one who provides what is lacking/what the other is incapable of on his or her own. A helper is therefore not an assistant but a necessary and complementary partner. Continue reading

Vive la difference!

In this post on The Marry Blogger, Stu describes an interaction between his four-year-old son and a girl. It’s a simple exchange that demonstrates the innate differences in boys and girls.

We’re all individuals, of course, but the Creator planned and created males and females differently by design. And He declared “it was good.” (Gen. 1:27)

Male/female differences come into play in partner dancing because the partnership is made of one male and one female. Perhaps the first difference that comes to mind is the propensity for dancing itself.

It is unusual to find a woman who does not like to dance (though there are some). It is not unusual to find a man who does not like to dance.

Dancing makes women feel beautiful. Most of us love skirts that twirl and being led around the dance floor by a kind gentleman. I meet women on a regular basis who tell me that their husbands won’t dance. It’s unfortunate since dance provides the perfect opportunity for him to be a hero, romance his wife, get a workout and have fun all at the same time!

For the men who are brave enough to try it, they often find that they enjoy being “in charge” of (leading) the dance. And with the right instruction, they may find that they succeed and even excel at it.

Once they are dancing together, the man and the woman may be required to make some accommodations for their partners. Take the size of their steps for instance. A man may need to take smaller steps to dance comfortably with a woman who is not as tall as he is. A woman may need to take larger steps than usual when she is dancing with a man who is much taller than she is.

Continuing this look at dance as a metaphor for Christian marriage, dance provides a picture of a male and female couple working together beautifully in partnership, just as the Creator intended. And I propose that picture reflects what He intended for marriage.

Vive la difference! Let’s dance!

Copr 2010 MarriageDance

Dance, Romance for Your Valentine

Fellow blogger Sheila Gregoire and her husband take ballroom dance lessons. In today’s post, she writes about her experience and why she loves it:

Here are some excerpts:

It really does change your relationship. It makes you work together. It makes you smile.

In most areas of our lives today, the sexes are interchangeable. A woman can do whatever a man can do, and vice versa. Dancing is one of the few areas of life where you have to either be a man or be a woman. You each have very defined roles, and it reminds you that you are two very different halves of one whole.

… If you’ve ever longed to hear her [your wife] say, “You decide and I’ll follow,” you’ve got to hit the dance floor.

Dancing doesn’t work if she tries to take control. You [the man] really do get to decide pretty much everything. And once she realizes that it works better that way, she can be putty in your hands. Plus, it is awfully romantic.

While you get to feel like a man, she gets to feel like a princess as you twirl her around. … It’s about treating her like she’s precious, and showing her off to the world. What woman doesn’t want to be treated like that?

Sheila’s comments sound similar to some of my previous posts. It’s nice to get confirmation from another dancer’s point of view.

So what are YOU waiting for? Valentine’s weekend is the perfect time to make plans to take a dance class with your spouse. If you still need more inspiration, listen to these romantic, dance-themed songs this weekend. (Hopefully, I’ve included a little something for everyone … classics, country, musicals, etc.)

• Could I Have This Dance, Anne Murray
• Save the Last Dance for Me, Michael Buble (and others)
• I Just Want to Dance with You, George Strait
• Come Dance With Me, Frank Sinatra (and others)
• Shall We Dance, The King and I Soundtrack
• I Could Have Danced All Night, The King and I Soundtrack
• Dance Me to the End of Love, Leonard Cohen
• Why Don’t We Just Dance, Josh Turner
• We Will Dance, Steven Curtis Chapman
• Dance, Jeff and Sheri Easter

What other dance-themed love songs can you add to the list?

Copr 2010 MarriageDance

A Challenge to Wives: Who is Leading?

Since posting A Challenge to Leaders in October, I’ve wanted to post a counterpart for followers.

Finding a recent blog post by Stuart McDonald has given me the perfect opportunity. In his post titled Why Must The “Manolos” Wait? The Idea Of Women Pursuing Men, McDonald considers whether it is acceptable for women to play the role of initiator in male/female relationships.

While explaining that balance is important, he writes: “You do still want him to feel like a man, especially the man in this relationship, don’t you, ladies? We feel like men when we’re allowed to take charge and lead.”

So my challenge to ladies is this: Are you allowing your spouse to lead while you actively and intentionally follow? If not, why not?

Consider 1 Peter 3:5 (quoted here from the New Living Translation): “This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands.”

In verse 7, Paul writes to husbands: “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. … She is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life.”

These verses describe a balanced and caring lead and follow between equal partners.

If you and your spouse need practice leading and following, why not take dance lessons? It’s a fun and active way for him to practice leading and you to practice following. By doing so, the two of you could find more balance and role clarity for your marriage.

Wives, what makes it easy or difficult for you to follow your husband’s lead? Has anyone tried dancing as a means of learning and practicing lead and follow? Please share your story.

Copr 2010 MarriageDance

We Were Made For This

I’ve had numerous conversations with female friends who dance, and we all agree. Partner dancing affirms our femininity. We love that princess-like feeling resulting from a chivalrous invitation to dance followed by being gracefully led around the dance floor for a few brief minutes (the length of a song). We walk out of the door with our heads held higher from the experience, feeling beautiful even if we were not wearing a formal gown or it had been a bad-hair day.

What I didn’t know was if men were affirmed in their masculinity through dance. So I finally asked the question. The particular group of men I asked were Christians, new to dance and participating in a dance workshop with their wives. Their answer seemed to be unanimous. Yes, dancing affirmed their masculinity. Why? There are not many circumstances in life where they were unequivocally the “leader,” where they are given permission to lead without any question or hesitation.

The results of my quick survey are completely unscientific, of course. But even so, it begs the question: Why does dancing affirm us in our femininity and masculinity? My theory is we were made for this. Men were designed by our Creator to be leaders; women were designed by our Creator to be helpers and responders. The male-female  dance partnership reflects our God-intended roles as men and women, so when we dance we feel affirmed in who we were made to be.

This is not a welcomed or celebrated message in our time and place in history. There is much argument and debate over “gender roles,” and scriptural guidelines are often regarded as archaic and irrelevant.

In a humorously titled blog post, Woman! Know Your Role, the author finds that submission (as referenced in Ephesians 5) often looks different than what she expected. She gives the following examples:

I recently had an epiphany about the times my husband has said to me, “Where do you want to go for dinner?” And I refused to decide, thus refusing to submit to a simple request he’d made of me. So what I actually thought was submission was not, because he asked me for input and I wouldn’t give it to him. Or many times Adam has told me to leave the dishes and let him clean the kitchen after a dinner I’ve made. Guess what I used to do? Ignore him completely. When I thought I was serving him by continuing to clean, what I was communicating was that I didn’t regard his requests enough to comply with them, not even when they were to my benefit.

She concludes: “Honor and esteem your role, ladies. It is a high calling and one that should be embraced.” Likewise, I would encourage men to embrace their God-intended role. I think we will each find that when we do, as in dance, we are affirmed in who we are created to be.

Copr 2009 MarriageDance

A Helper Suitable for the Dance

A colleague asked me recently in conversation, “In what way is the woman a ‘helper’ in the dance?” The source of the question is Genesis 2:18: “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (NIV)

Her question was associated with my look at dance as a metaphor for marriage. While the man takes the leading role in the dance, the woman must be an active and intentional helper in numerous ways.

First of all, she helps by carrying her own weight and actively participating in the dance. As the follower, she is not dependent on him to move her weight across the floor. This helps him move more freely and easily himself while also guiding her.

Secondly, she maintains good posture and muscle tone, staying connecting to him through the dance frame. This helps the man communicate the lead, as the frame is the channel of communication between them.

Additionally, in many dances, the partners are facing opposite directions and are slightly offset from one another. In this way, the woman is able to see behind the man. She helps him by alerting him to anything that might be an obstacle or threat (such as an approaching couple on a crowded dance floor). Since dancers move forward, backward and sideways, it is helpful to have both sets of eyes engaged and watching for possible interference. In keeping with the spirit of the verse in Genesis, dancers can tell you without question that two work better than one here.

Like in marriage, the dancing couple works in partnership. The male and female roles are distinct and different in dance and in Christian marriage, and the partnership works best in both with active and intentional participation, communication and engagement from each person.

Copr 2009 MarriageDance