Operating on Autopilot?

A recent experience showed me another lesson from the dance floor that I find applicable to Christian marriage.

I have been dancing for more than 12 years, and during that time many dance steps have become second nature to me. Dancers and athletes aspire to this point when movements are committed to muscle memory, when certain activities or actions are so familiar that they become automatic.

A few weeks ago, a turn of events brought to mind exactly how much I dance on autopilot. My planned dance partner had a medical emergency and was unable to participate in the group lessons we were scheduled to instruct. By God’s grace, I was able to find a dance partner to take his place at the last minute, but I was called upon to lead more of the instruction. It was a challenge to instruct beginning dancers on the steps that had become automatic for me over the years.

Are there steps in your marriage that have become second nature to you? In what ways are you operating on autopilot, and are those ways beneficial or damaging to your relationship? If your autopilot is directing you to act in loving and considerate ways toward your spouse, great! Unfortunately, it is equally as easy for the autopilot to operate in ways less beneficial to your partnership.

Incorrect dance steps can become committed to muscle memory as well as the correct ones. Once that is the case, it can be difficult to unlearn the old habits and relearn the steps correctly.

Wherever you are in your marriage, it’s a good idea to take an occasional inventory of how your autopilot is operating. Identify any bad habits you’ve acquired, and start to learn and practice new steps to replace them. Be graceful and forgiving with each other during the learning.

Copr 2009 MarriageDance

When Marriage Is Not a Beautiful Dance

“Beautiful when done right,” commented a recent workshop participant regarding the correlation between marriage and dance.

It’s true that both dance and Christian marriage are objects of beauty when done well, but conversely either can be corrupted and unpleasant.

In a recent blog post entitled The Dark Side of Submission, Lee Grady cites examples of how misinterpretation of the scriptures on the husband’s headship has resulted in abuse of women.

“Traditionalists assume that a Christian marriage is defined as a dominant husband who makes all family decisions while the wife graciously obeys without input. Yet Scripture actually portrays marriage as a loving partnership … ,” he writes.

His post is a reminder that we live in a fallen world where Christian marriages are not always the beautiful dance that they could be.

“Headship, in its essence, is not about ‘who’s the boss.’ Rather it refers to the Genesis account of Eve being taken from Adam’s side. The husband is the ‘source’ of the wife because she originated from him, and she is intimately connected to him in a mystical union that is unlike any other human relationship,” Grady writes.

“Truly Christian marriages, according to the apostle Paul, involve a tender, servant-hearted and unselfish husband who (1) loves his wife ‘just as Christ also loved the church;’ (2) loves her as his own body; and (3) loves her as himself (see Eph. 5:25, 28 33). He stands alongside his wife in faithfulness, and she joyfully respects her husband because he can be trusted. And the two become one.”

Dancing in partnership can provide a picture of this beautiful, active, loving and respectful relationship as it was intended by our Creator.

Copr 2009 MarriageDance