Enjoying the Divine Design

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Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In his book, Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference, Larry Crabb shares his perspectives on God’s design of the genders and the joy that can be found in celebrating the truth of it. (Unfortunately the design is frequently misunderstood, which Dr. Crabb addresses in his book.) The following paragraph caught my attention:

“When husbands are masculine, wives tend to go ‘off duty.’ They feel relieved of the relentless pressure to make things go as they should. They relax in the strength of an advocate that frees them to more easily realize the other-centered joy of their womanhood. When wives are feminine, husbands gain confidence in handling responsibilities, and are drawn to warmly enjoy and profoundly respect the woman whose involvement with them means more to their hearts than the most coveted honor or  achievement could ever mean. They feel strengthened in deep parts of their being where nothing but femininity can touch.”

In Dr. Crabb’s description of masculinity and femininity here, I see a reflection of the lead and follow in partner dance. Could the dynamic he describes be a primary reason why so many women desire to dance with their spouse? Equally, are men affirmed in their masculinity when they embrace dancing with their wives?

To dance together is to embrace, celebrate and enjoy God’s holy and good design for us as male and female.

Does “high performance” describe your marriage?

“Dancing with you is like driving a Porsche.”

I recognized this as a generous compliment from my dance partner, even though I’m not a sports car enthusiast.

Yet to satisfy my curiosity, I searched online to find out what people had to say about driving a Porsche. Here are some findings I believe reflect the intent of the leader’s comment:

“Quick and responsive steering”

flickr.com/photos/mhincha/8232608529/

flickr.com/photos/mhincha/8232608529/

Continue reading

Intended for Intimacy

On my most recent post, The Great Adventure, a reader commented: “Marriage provides constant opportunity for emotional risk-taking.” His words provide the perfect segue for this new post on intimacy.

Now each reader most likely has his or her own definition of and associations with that term, so for the purpose of this blog post I am using the term to refer to close familiarity or relationship; closeness. That’s intimacy in the broadest terms which can encompass the more specific aspects of emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy.

I believe the blog comment introduces this topic perfectly because emotional risk-taking is necessary for intimacy. Deep down, we all crave close connections with others (including God and our spouse) yet we fear it at the same time. Continue reading

Dance for JOY

Recently I learned that the Westminster Catechism (Presbyterian church) begins: What is the chief end of man? Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever. I spent my entire childhood attending traditional churches (though not Presbyterian), and somehow I completely missed this message. But it resonates with what I’ve learned later in life … we were created to glorify God and enJOY him.

Joy is a fruit of the spirit, produced by living in relationship with God.
But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23a NLT

By living in relation and close connection with God, we enJOY him. Joy is his intention for us, according to Isaiah 61 where we learn that our Savior would come “to bind up the brokenhearted … to comfort all who mourn … to bestow a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” (NIV)

In biblical references, dance is often a demonstration of joy.
I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel. Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful.  Jeremiah 31:4, NIV

You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,  Psalm 30:11, NLT

Be glad at such a time, and dance for joy; for your reward is great in Heaven (Luke 6:23a, Weymouth New Testament)

Therefore, I believe our Creator made us to dance. David, a man after God’s own heart, “danced before the Lord with all his might.” 2 Samuel 6:14

So why am I writing about this in a marriage blog? Based on these scriptures and my own experience, I believe dancing can be a source of joy for your marriage. It will require you to face your fear if dancing is something that feels threatening to you, but the pay off could be well worth stepping out of your comfort zone.

I’ve met a number of men who learned partner dancing after a failed marriage. They took a risk to try something new, and they were surprised to find they loved dancing (for a number of reasons, some of which are addressed in other posts here on this blog).
Don’t wait until it’s too late to try something new that can add more joy to your marriage. Don’t shrink back from all the joy your Creator intends for you.

Complements by Design

In dance circles I’ve heard it said that “The woman is the picture; the man is the frame.” This speaks to the individual and complementary roles of the woman and the man in the dance.

A frame around an artwork provides a complement to the art not a distraction. It may be artistic in its own right, but it does not compete. Rather it focuses attention on and brings out the best features of the artwork it supports and protects.

The same can be said in dance, though it is true in some dances more than others. As a general rule, the man provides the structure through his lead. The woman is able to add creative flourishes or “art” to the dance as she follows, particularly if she is an experienced dancer. This may be most obviously demonstrated in ballroom dance moves such as an oversway, throwaway and develope. She is responsible for supporting her own weight in any move other than a lift,  but the structure or set up provided by the man is essential to the proper execution of such moves.

Additionally like the frame, the dance leader has responsibility for protecting his partner. This can be particularly challenging on a crowded dance floor.

How is this like a Christian marriage? Husbands and wives have individual, complementary roles. The man’s leadership offers structure and protection for his wife.

Christian author John Eldredge writes that the essence of a man is his strength and the essence of a woman is her beauty. Both strength and beauty are characteristics of God, in whose image both men and women are made. They work together like a picture and its frame.

Copr 2009 MarriageDance

Separate But Equal

Dance, like marriage, is about giving and taking … a cooperation of two people in balance as a unit. The balance of give and take creates a cooperative environment wherein each works with the other in complementary roles to dance in unison.

I received these comments from a dancing friend in response to one of my posts. They remind me that an inviting lead and a receptive follow are integral to the dance. The two roles are clearly distinct and equally valuable.

Imagine the results of one dance partner “gone bad.” Without a clear leader, the dancing couple would not move or, in the case of a contest of wills, the dance would become a tug of war. Without a willing follower, the leader would resort to pulling, pushing or dragging or else give up the dance altogether.

But when partners fulfill their individual roles with a spirit of cooperation, the result is graceful movement across the dance floor as a single unit.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27 (NIV) Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” Genesis 2:18 (NLT)

Purposefully and in his image, our Creator crafted men and women distinctly, separate but equally valuable, intended to work together in a complementary partnership.

Copr 2009 MarriageDance