“Dancing with you is like driving a Porsche.”
I recognized this as a generous compliment from my dance partner, even though I’m not a sports car enthusiast.
Yet to satisfy my curiosity, I searched online to find out what people had to say about driving a Porsche. Here are some findings I believe reflect the intent of the leader’s comment:
“Quick and responsive steering”
flickr.com/photos/mhincha/8232608529/
In a blog post titled Friends with Benefits, Mark Driscoll, a pastor at Mars Hill Church in California, explains three kinds of marriages: back-to-back, shoulder-to-shoulder and face-to-face. Here’s how he describes them:
A back-to-back marriage is one in which the couple has turned their backs on each other. As a result, they live
separately and do not work together (shoulder to shoulder) or draw each other out in friendship (face to face). In such marriages the partners range from strangers to enemies, but are not friends.A shoulder-to-shoulder marriage is one in which the couple
works together on tasks and projects, such as keeping the home, raising the kids, growing the business, and serving the church.
A face-to-face marriage is one in which, in addition to the shoulder-to-shoulder work, the couple gets a lot of face-to-face time for conversation, friendship and intimacy.
When I read this, I recognized a correlation with dance as a picture of marriage. Dancing with your spouse is primarily a face-to-face experience. If your marriage is characterized as back-to-back or shoulder-to-shoulder, dancing face-to-face with your partner may feel awkward, even invasive, at first. However, it could be a first step toward transforming your marriage to a deeper level. If your marriage is already characterized as face-to-face, then dancing can add a new element of intimacy and intrigue to your relationship.
The depth of intimacy is a key factor distinguishing these kinds of marriages. And as Driscoll writes in his post, “intimacy is ultimately about conversing.” The topics of conversation in a relationship change as intimacy grows. Driscoll writes:
When a relationship becomes most intimate, we begin to share our feelings. We become vulnerable with someone, telling him or her not just what we do (facts) and what we believe (opinions), but who we are (feelings).
Dance is a conversation in its own right, essentially a non-verbal conversation. If you want to increase your face-to-face time and take steps to greater intimacy in your marriage, try this conversation without words.
Have you taken dance lessons with your spouse? What was your experience?
At a conference I attended, I met a woman who willingly shared her story after I mentioned the concepts of this blog. She described how dance lessons with her husband reflected the bigger picture in their relationship.
Explaining that her husband’s personality was easygoing and somewhat timid, she indicated these characteristics were displayed in their lessons as they are in life. With her encouragement in the lessons, he began to assert himself in his leadership role. As he grew more comfortable doing so in the dance, she started noticing a change in him overall. To her delight, he began to be more bold and assertive in their relationship.
If you want to grow in partnership with your spouse, consider dance lessons. The experience provides an opportunity to try out something new … more than just new dance steps. A couple I know applied their experience from dance lessons to their give and take in disagreements. “It made a difference with our first fight,” said the husband. “We do a better job of communicating in conflict.”
In a post on his Complete Life Fitness blog, coach Stuart Palmer writes about an observation of couples he and his wife have instructed in dance: “… we continue to see that couples who dance together generally have better relationships and deeper intimacy. Not only that, but just about every couple we’ve taught proclaims that learning to dance together parallels learning to have a better relationship.”
Have dance lessons with your spouse impacted your marriage, for better or worse? Please share your experiences!
Copr 2011 MarriageDance
In this post on The Marry Blogger, Stu describes an interaction between his four-year-old son and a girl. It’s a simple exchange that demonstrates the innate differences in boys and girls.
We’re all individuals, of course, but the Creator planned and created males and females differently by design. And He declared “it was good.” (Gen. 1:27)
Male/female differences come into play in partner dancing because the partnership is made of one male and one female. Perhaps the first difference that comes to mind is the propensity for dancing itself.
It is unusual to find a woman who does not like to dance (though there are some). It is not unusual to find a man who does not like to dance.
Dancing makes women feel beautiful. Most of us love skirts that twirl and being led around the dance floor by a kind gentleman. I meet women on a regular basis who tell me that their husbands won’t dance. It’s unfortunate since dance provides the perfect opportunity for him to be a hero, romance his wife, get a workout and have fun all at the same time!
For the men who are brave enough to try it, they often find that they enjoy being “in charge” of (leading) the dance. And with the right instruction, they may find that they succeed and even excel at it.
Once they are dancing together, the man and the woman may be required to make some accommodations for their partners. Take the size of their steps for instance. A man may need to take smaller steps to dance comfortably with a woman who is not as tall as he is. A woman may need to take larger steps than usual when she is dancing with a man who is much taller than she is.
Continuing this look at dance as a metaphor for Christian marriage, dance provides a picture of a male and female couple working together beautifully in partnership, just as the Creator intended. And I propose that picture reflects what He intended for marriage.
Vive la difference! Let’s dance!
Copr 2010 MarriageDance
One of the keys to dancing with a partner successfully is listening for and dancing to the beat of the music. When both partners hear and respond in sync to the musical beat, the dance will flow much easier.
To what “music” are you listening in your marriage dance? Are you and your spouse dancing to the same song?
God’s voice could be said to be the “music” in the dance of Christian life. Scripture says: “The sheep that are My own hear and are listening to My voice; and I know them, and they follow Me.” (John 10:27, Amplified Bible) If both you and your partner are listening for God’s voice with the intent to follow it, the “dance” will be much easier for the two of you.
Occasionally, I have danced with a leader who is “off beat,” and it is a real challenge to follow him. If you are the follower in a Christian marriage, it will be much easier for you to follow the leader when you know he is listening and following God’s voice.
In addition to helping keep a couple “in sync” (or unified), the music provides inspiration for the dance. If you and your spouse seem out of sync or uninspired lately, maybe it’s time to stop and listen to the Music. Are you dancing to the same song? Are you both tuning into God’s voice?
Copr 2010 MarriageDance
Fellow blogger Sheila Gregoire and her husband take ballroom dance lessons. In today’s post, she writes about her experience and why she loves it:
Here are some excerpts:
It really does change your relationship. It makes you work together. It makes you smile.
In most areas of our lives today, the sexes are interchangeable. A woman can do whatever a man can do, and vice versa. Dancing is one of the few areas of life where you have to either be a man or be a woman. You each have very defined roles, and it reminds you that you are two very different halves of one whole.
… If you’ve ever longed to hear her [your wife] say, “You decide and I’ll follow,” you’ve got to hit the dance floor.
Dancing doesn’t work if she tries to take control. You [the man] really do get to decide pretty much everything. And once she realizes that it works better that way, she can be putty in your hands. Plus, it is awfully romantic.
While you get to feel like a man, she gets to feel like a princess as you twirl her around. … It’s about treating her like she’s precious, and showing her off to the world. What woman doesn’t want to be treated like that?
Sheila’s comments sound similar to some of my previous posts. It’s nice to get confirmation from another dancer’s point of view.
So what are YOU waiting for? Valentine’s weekend is the perfect time to make plans to take a dance class with your spouse. If you still need more inspiration, listen to these romantic, dance-themed songs this weekend. (Hopefully, I’ve included a little something for everyone … classics, country, musicals, etc.)
• Could I Have This Dance, Anne Murray
• Save the Last Dance for Me, Michael Buble (and others)
• I Just Want to Dance with You, George Strait
• Come Dance With Me, Frank Sinatra (and others)
• Shall We Dance, The King and I Soundtrack
• I Could Have Danced All Night, The King and I Soundtrack
• Dance Me to the End of Love, Leonard Cohen
• Why Don’t We Just Dance, Josh Turner
• We Will Dance, Steven Curtis Chapman
• Dance, Jeff and Sheri Easter
What other dance-themed love songs can you add to the list?
Copr 2010 MarriageDance