Monthly Archives: January 2010

A Challenge to Wives: Who is Leading?

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Since posting A Challenge to Leaders in October, I’ve wanted to post a counterpart for followers.

Finding a recent blog post by Stuart McDonald has given me the perfect opportunity. In his post titled Why Must The “Manolos” Wait? The Idea Of Women Pursuing Men, McDonald considers whether it is acceptable for women to play the role of initiator in male/female relationships.

While explaining that balance is important, he writes: “You do still want him to feel like a man, especially the man in this relationship, don’t you, ladies? We feel like men when we’re allowed to take charge and lead.”

So my challenge to ladies is this: Are you allowing your spouse to lead while you actively and intentionally follow? If not, why not?

Consider 1 Peter 3:5 (quoted here from the New Living Translation): “This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands.”

In verse 7, Paul writes to husbands: “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. … She is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life.”

These verses describe a balanced and caring lead and follow between equal partners.

If you and your spouse need practice leading and following, why not take dance lessons? It’s a fun and active way for him to practice leading and you to practice following. By doing so, the two of you could find more balance and role clarity for your marriage.

Wives, what makes it easy or difficult for you to follow your husband’s lead? Has anyone tried dancing as a means of learning and practicing lead and follow? Please share your story.

Copr 2010 MarriageDance

Love in Any Language

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I admit I love to dance. So my proposition in this post may be biased. I’ll let you be the judge.

I propose that dancing can express love in any language. I’m not referring to international dialects here especially, though the statement may hold true in that case as well. Specifically, I am referring to the five love languages identified by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book by that title.

Here are the five love languages, according to Dr. Chapman, and how I see dance as a means of expressing each of them:

Quality Time: Giving full attention to your partner in dance, whether you are leading or following, can be an example of the quality time that I believe Dr. Chapman describes.

Physical Touch: This one may be the most obvious. When connected with your spouse in dance frame, there are at least four points of physical contact. These contact points create the channel through which the man communicates the lead and the woman perceives it, so it is essential to stay physically connected with your partner at all times in order to execute the dance.

Acts of Service: By carefully and thoughtfully leading his partner, the man provides service to his wife, the follower. Likewise, I propose that the follower serves her husband, the leader, as she graciously accepts his invitation to follow through with the dance moves he leads

Gifts: Dance lessons could make a great gift for your spouse with the “gifts” language (if he/she wants to learn to dance, that is). I’ll admit it does not have universal appeal.  For others, perhaps the gift (as well as being an act of service) may be the leadership and the follower-ship that is offered within the dance.

Words of Affirmation: Like gifts, this one is not as “built in” as the others. But dancing (or learning to dance) provides the perfect opportunity to affirm your partner for what he or she is doing well. That is what your spouse with the “words” language wants to hear.

What do you think of dance as an expression of your love language? Would a date night of dancing with your spouse fill your love tank?

Copr 2010 MarriageDance