“Dancing with you is like driving a Porsche.”
I recognized this as a generous compliment from my dance partner, even though I’m not a sports car enthusiast.
Yet to satisfy my curiosity, I searched online to find out what people had to say about driving a Porsche. Here are some findings I believe reflect the intent of the leader’s comment:
“Quick and responsive steering”
flickr.com/photos/mhincha/8232608529/
What do biblical leadership and submission look like in the “real world”? I find partner dancing to present a fairly accurate picture of what God intends for these roles in marriage. And I was encouraged in this by what I learned in a recent study taught by Dr. John Yates, rector of Holy Trinity Anglican Church in Raleigh, N.C. (also mentioned in my previous post).
Contention over marriage roles, inside and outside the Christian community, results from the fall, accentuated by viewing the scriptures through the context of our culture. Based on Dr. Yates’ thoroughly researched study, I challenge the following culturally accepted myths about the biblical roles in marriage. Read to the end for an explanation of how partner dance reflects the scriptural truths. Continue reading
One of the keys to dancing with a partner successfully is listening for and dancing to the beat of the music. When both partners hear and respond in sync to the musical beat, the dance will flow much easier.
To what “music” are you listening in your marriage dance? Are you and your spouse dancing to the same song?
God’s voice could be said to be the “music” in the dance of Christian life. Scripture says: “The sheep that are My own hear and are listening to My voice; and I know them, and they follow Me.” (John 10:27, Amplified Bible) If both you and your partner are listening for God’s voice with the intent to follow it, the “dance” will be much easier for the two of you.
Occasionally, I have danced with a leader who is “off beat,” and it is a real challenge to follow him. If you are the follower in a Christian marriage, it will be much easier for you to follow the leader when you know he is listening and following God’s voice.
In addition to helping keep a couple “in sync” (or unified), the music provides inspiration for the dance. If you and your spouse seem out of sync or uninspired lately, maybe it’s time to stop and listen to the Music. Are you dancing to the same song? Are you both tuning into God’s voice?
Copr 2010 MarriageDance
Since posting A Challenge to Leaders in October, I’ve wanted to post a counterpart for followers.
Finding a recent blog post by Stuart McDonald has given me the perfect opportunity. In his post titled Why Must The “Manolos” Wait? The Idea Of Women Pursuing Men, McDonald considers whether it is acceptable for women to play the role of initiator in male/female relationships.
While explaining that balance is important, he writes: “You do still want him to feel like a man, especially the man in this relationship, don’t you, ladies? We feel like men when we’re allowed to take charge and lead.”
So my challenge to ladies is this: Are you allowing your spouse to lead while you actively and intentionally follow? If not, why not?
Consider 1 Peter 3:5 (quoted here from the New Living Translation): “This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands.”
In verse 7, Paul writes to husbands: “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. … She is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life.”
These verses describe a balanced and caring lead and follow between equal partners.
If you and your spouse need practice leading and following, why not take dance lessons? It’s a fun and active way for him to practice leading and you to practice following. By doing so, the two of you could find more balance and role clarity for your marriage.
Wives, what makes it easy or difficult for you to follow your husband’s lead? Has anyone tried dancing as a means of learning and practicing lead and follow? Please share your story.
Copr 2010 MarriageDance
A recent experience showed me another lesson from the dance floor that I find applicable to Christian marriage.
I have been dancing for more than 12 years, and during that time many dance steps have become second nature to me. Dancers and athletes aspire to this point when movements are committed to muscle memory, when certain activities or actions are so familiar that they become automatic.
A few weeks ago, a turn of events brought to mind exactly how much I dance on autopilot. My planned dance partner had a medical emergency and was unable to participate in the group lessons we were scheduled to instruct. By God’s grace, I was able to find a dance partner to take his place at the last minute, but I was called upon to lead more of the instruction. It was a challenge to instruct beginning dancers on the steps that had become automatic for me over the years.
Are there steps in your marriage that have become second nature to you? In what ways are you operating on autopilot, and are those ways beneficial or damaging to your relationship? If your autopilot is directing you to act in loving and considerate ways toward your spouse, great! Unfortunately, it is equally as easy for the autopilot to operate in ways less beneficial to your partnership.
Incorrect dance steps can become committed to muscle memory as well as the correct ones. Once that is the case, it can be difficult to unlearn the old habits and relearn the steps correctly.
Wherever you are in your marriage, it’s a good idea to take an occasional inventory of how your autopilot is operating. Identify any bad habits you’ve acquired, and start to learn and practice new steps to replace them. Be graceful and forgiving with each other during the learning.
Copr 2009 MarriageDance
“Beautiful when done right,” commented a recent workshop participant regarding the correlation between marriage and dance.
It’s true that both dance and Christian marriage are objects of beauty when done well, but conversely either can be corrupted and unpleasant.
In a recent blog post entitled The Dark Side of Submission, Lee Grady cites examples of how misinterpretation of the scriptures on the husband’s headship has resulted in abuse of women.
“Traditionalists assume that a Christian marriage is defined as a dominant husband who makes all family decisions while the wife graciously obeys without input. Yet Scripture actually portrays marriage as a loving partnership … ,” he writes.
His post is a reminder that we live in a fallen world where Christian marriages are not always the beautiful dance that they could be.
“Headship, in its essence, is not about ‘who’s the boss.’ Rather it refers to the Genesis account of Eve being taken from Adam’s side. The husband is the ‘source’ of the wife because she originated from him, and she is intimately connected to him in a mystical union that is unlike any other human relationship,” Grady writes.
“Truly Christian marriages, according to the apostle Paul, involve a tender, servant-hearted and unselfish husband who (1) loves his wife ‘just as Christ also loved the church;’ (2) loves her as his own body; and (3) loves her as himself (see Eph. 5:25, 28 33). He stands alongside his wife in faithfulness, and she joyfully respects her husband because he can be trusted. And the two become one.”
Dancing in partnership can provide a picture of this beautiful, active, loving and respectful relationship as it was intended by our Creator.
Copr 2009 MarriageDance