Tag Archives: leadership

True Leadership and Submission

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What do biblical leadership and submission look like in the “real world”? I find partner dancing to present a fairly accurate picture of what God intends for these roles in marriage. And I was encouraged in this by what I learned in a recent study taught by Dr. John Yates, rector of Holy Trinity Anglican Church in Raleigh, N.C. (also mentioned in my previous post).

Contention over marriage roles, inside and outside the Christian community, results from the fall, accentuated by viewing the scriptures through the context of our culture. Based on Dr. Yates’ thoroughly researched study, I challenge the following culturally accepted myths about the biblical roles in marriage. Read to the end for an explanation of how partner dance reflects the scriptural truths. Continue reading →

When Marriage Is Not a Beautiful Dance

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“Beautiful when done right,” commented a recent workshop participant regarding the correlation between marriage and dance.

It’s true that both dance and Christian marriage are objects of beauty when done well, but conversely either can be corrupted and unpleasant.

In a recent blog post entitled The Dark Side of Submission, Lee Grady cites examples of how misinterpretation of the scriptures on the husband’s headship has resulted in abuse of women.

“Traditionalists assume that a Christian marriage is defined as a dominant husband who makes all family decisions while the wife graciously obeys without input. Yet Scripture actually portrays marriage as a loving partnership … ,” he writes.

His post is a reminder that we live in a fallen world where Christian marriages are not always the beautiful dance that they could be.

“Headship, in its essence, is not about ‘who’s the boss.’ Rather it refers to the Genesis account of Eve being taken from Adam’s side. The husband is the ‘source’ of the wife because she originated from him, and she is intimately connected to him in a mystical union that is unlike any other human relationship,” Grady writes.

“Truly Christian marriages, according to the apostle Paul, involve a tender, servant-hearted and unselfish husband who (1) loves his wife ‘just as Christ also loved the church;’ (2) loves her as his own body; and (3) loves her as himself (see Eph. 5:25, 28 33). He stands alongside his wife in faithfulness, and she joyfully respects her husband because he can be trusted. And the two become one.”

Dancing in partnership can provide a picture of this beautiful, active, loving and respectful relationship as it was intended by our Creator.

Copr 2009 MarriageDance

A Challenge to Leaders: Facilitate Brilliance

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“As a leader your job isn’t to be brilliant. Your job is to facilitate the brilliance of others,” said Ron Carucci, a consultant and teacher in the field of organizational behavior. His comment was made in the context of business. However, I find the thought applicable to this discussion of partner dance as a metaphor for Christian marriage.

Having difficulty making the connection? Consider this passage from The Message:

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage. (Ephesians 5:25-28)

Husbands are instructed here to emulate Christ who evokes the beauty of his bride. In other words, a husband – as leader of his household – is to facilitate his wife’s brilliance.

I’ve frequently heard dancers describe roles in this way: The woman is the picture; the man is the frame. While a frame provides structure and protection for the work of art it encloses, it also offers a complimentary element that focuses a viewer’s attention on the art itself. The frame helps facilitate the art work’s brilliance.

In a recent workshop discussing the Ephesians passage, one husband concluded: “When she looks good, we look good.” Another commented: “As I elevate her and she looks more beautiful, I am elevated as well. Leading lovingly is the best thing I can do for both of us.”

Bill McCartney, former football coach at the University of Colorado and head of Promise Keepers, put it this way. “When you look into the face of a man’s wife, you will see just what he is as a man. Whatever he has invested or withheld from her is reflected in her countenance.”

He has the opportunity, as a leader on and off the dance floor, to facilitate brilliance.

Copr 2009 MarriageDance

Thoughts On Leading

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Men dance with their brain, women dance from a kinesthetic feeling, explains Peter DiFalco, a Master Instructor whose entire career was devoted to performing and instructing dance. His insistent word to followers: Never chat with the leader on the dance floor because he has enough things to think about without having to socialize with you.

It is true on the dance floor as in life, the leader has great responsibility. In dancing, he must lead the follower through the current step at the same time as deciding the next step and preparing to lead it. He must also navigate the couple around the dance floor which at a social dance means avoiding potential collisions with other couples on the floor.

I frequently tell leaders I dance with that they have the more difficult job; as a follower, all I have to do is follow. (They usually disagree with me, thinking that following would be more difficult. I wonder how many of them have ever actually tried it!)

In order that I not discourage potential new dancers here (particularly leaders), I understand that some of these responsibilities become “second nature” over time. Do leadership skills in life and marriage become “second nature” when practiced consistently over time?

In Take the Lead, the 2006 movie starring Antonio Banderas, the instructor explains to the student leader: The lead is an invitation not a command.

A dance lead is not pushing, pulling or dragging; the lead must be communicated clearly so the follower can execute the move by her own effort.

How do these dance principles correlate to marriage? According to Biblical principles, a leader is a servant not a dictator. Godly leadership encourages and empowers followers. It does not belittle or threaten. A Godly husband recognizes and values the individuality of his wife. Without this, the dance analogy breaks down. There is no grace in coercion and intimidation.

Copr. 2009 MarriageDance