Tag Archives: male and female

Enjoying the Divine Design

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Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In his book, Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference, Larry Crabb shares his perspectives on God’s design of the genders and the joy that can be found in celebrating the truth of it. (Unfortunately the design is frequently misunderstood, which Dr. Crabb addresses in his book.) The following paragraph caught my attention:

“When husbands are masculine, wives tend to go ‘off duty.’ They feel relieved of the relentless pressure to make things go as they should. They relax in the strength of an advocate that frees them to more easily realize the other-centered joy of their womanhood. When wives are feminine, husbands gain confidence in handling responsibilities, and are drawn to warmly enjoy and profoundly respect the woman whose involvement with them means more to their hearts than the most coveted honor or  achievement could ever mean. They feel strengthened in deep parts of their being where nothing but femininity can touch.”

In Dr. Crabb’s description of masculinity and femininity here, I see a reflection of the lead and follow in partner dance. Could the dynamic he describes be a primary reason why so many women desire to dance with their spouse? Equally, are men affirmed in their masculinity when they embrace dancing with their wives?

To dance together is to embrace, celebrate and enjoy God’s holy and good design for us as male and female.

True Leadership and Submission

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What do biblical leadership and submission look like in the “real world”? I find partner dancing to present a fairly accurate picture of what God intends for these roles in marriage. And I was encouraged in this by what I learned in a recent study taught by Dr. John Yates, rector of Holy Trinity Anglican Church in Raleigh, N.C. (also mentioned in my previous post).

Contention over marriage roles, inside and outside the Christian community, results from the fall, accentuated by viewing the scriptures through the context of our culture. Based on Dr. Yates’ thoroughly researched study, I challenge the following culturally accepted myths about the biblical roles in marriage. Read to the end for an explanation of how partner dance reflects the scriptural truths. Continue reading →

A Helper Suitable for the Dance

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A colleague asked me recently in conversation, “In what way is the woman a ‘helper’ in the dance?” The source of the question is Genesis 2:18: “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (NIV)

Her question was associated with my look at dance as a metaphor for marriage. While the man takes the leading role in the dance, the woman must be an active and intentional helper in numerous ways.

First of all, she helps by carrying her own weight and actively participating in the dance. As the follower, she is not dependent on him to move her weight across the floor. This helps him move more freely and easily himself while also guiding her.

Secondly, she maintains good posture and muscle tone, staying connecting to him through the dance frame. This helps the man communicate the lead, as the frame is the channel of communication between them.

Additionally, in many dances, the partners are facing opposite directions and are slightly offset from one another. In this way, the woman is able to see behind the man. She helps him by alerting him to anything that might be an obstacle or threat (such as an approaching couple on a crowded dance floor). Since dancers move forward, backward and sideways, it is helpful to have both sets of eyes engaged and watching for possible interference. In keeping with the spirit of the verse in Genesis, dancers can tell you without question that two work better than one here.

Like in marriage, the dancing couple works in partnership. The male and female roles are distinct and different in dance and in Christian marriage, and the partnership works best in both with active and intentional participation, communication and engagement from each person.

Copr 2009 MarriageDance

Complements by Design

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In dance circles I’ve heard it said that “The woman is the picture; the man is the frame.” This speaks to the individual and complementary roles of the woman and the man in the dance.

A frame around an artwork provides a complement to the art not a distraction. It may be artistic in its own right, but it does not compete. Rather it focuses attention on and brings out the best features of the artwork it supports and protects.

The same can be said in dance, though it is true in some dances more than others. As a general rule, the man provides the structure through his lead. The woman is able to add creative flourishes or “art” to the dance as she follows, particularly if she is an experienced dancer. This may be most obviously demonstrated in ballroom dance moves such as an oversway, throwaway and develope. She is responsible for supporting her own weight in any move other than a lift,  but the structure or set up provided by the man is essential to the proper execution of such moves.

Additionally like the frame, the dance leader has responsibility for protecting his partner. This can be particularly challenging on a crowded dance floor.

How is this like a Christian marriage? Husbands and wives have individual, complementary roles. The man’s leadership offers structure and protection for his wife.

Christian author John Eldredge writes that the essence of a man is his strength and the essence of a woman is her beauty. Both strength and beauty are characteristics of God, in whose image both men and women are made. They work together like a picture and its frame.

Copr 2009 MarriageDance

Separate But Equal

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Dance, like marriage, is about giving and taking … a cooperation of two people in balance as a unit. The balance of give and take creates a cooperative environment wherein each works with the other in complementary roles to dance in unison.

I received these comments from a dancing friend in response to one of my posts. They remind me that an inviting lead and a receptive follow are integral to the dance. The two roles are clearly distinct and equally valuable.

Imagine the results of one dance partner “gone bad.” Without a clear leader, the dancing couple would not move or, in the case of a contest of wills, the dance would become a tug of war. Without a willing follower, the leader would resort to pulling, pushing or dragging or else give up the dance altogether.

But when partners fulfill their individual roles with a spirit of cooperation, the result is graceful movement across the dance floor as a single unit.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27 (NIV) Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” Genesis 2:18 (NLT)

Purposefully and in his image, our Creator crafted men and women distinctly, separate but equally valuable, intended to work together in a complementary partnership.

Copr 2009 MarriageDance